Sunday, April 7, 1968

Dedicated to Him

As I move the pen across the paper, I feel it glide gently, with the soft rustling of the pages beneath. Even while I’m studying, thoughts of you, my dear “Malecki,” fill my mind. It’s Sunday, 7 PM. I am alone, thinking about you, Alex. I should be studying, but I can’t focus because I love you so much. It’s been four days since you left. I feel desperate, sad, and lonely. I don’t feel like going anywhere. Rosetta was supposed to come over today, but she didn’t. I wonder why? I love you, Alex. I’ve decided to wait for you, even if it takes five years.

I’m listening to “Flowers in the Rain” by the band. It’s beautiful. I wish my Alex were here to hear it with me, to hear you say “my darling” again, and to feel your warm, sweet lips. I just want one kiss now. I never want to forget you, little one. Know that I loved you dearly. If I ever hurt or disappointed you, please forgive me. I don’t even know why I did, but I just ask for your forgiveness.

If your plans work out and you go far away, I will send you this little album of my feelings. I want to write in it until the end and then send it to you. And when you read it, you will know that there is someone who always thinks about you and loves you so much. I always talk about you with my family. Your picture is always beside me. Even now, I needed to kiss it. Yesterday, April 6th, I was at Iboga’s to show her the album and all your pictures. She was surprised and said it was wonderful. I think she’s a bit jealous of me. On April 8th, we have a cross-country race.

On Tuesday, I’m going back to the dentist. People have already asked where my young man is, why I’m alone. I told them my Alex is working. Anyway, why do they care? I can’t tell the truth right now. I just can’t believe you won’t come to me anymore. I keep hoping, thinking, but in vain. So many kilometres separate us, but please remember me sometimes and know that I love you very much.